The Boys in Blue
by AthenaHarper
Summary: Short AU stories: After he came back as Red Hood, Jason got into trouble and a lot of it. To help him out, Nightwing AKA. his brother Dick Grayson, decided to help get him into the Bludhaven Police Department and back on the right side of the law. Now they patrol the streets of Bludhaven together as a brothers in arms much to the chagrin of Batman. No slash.
1. Story 1: The Parking Ticket Detail pt1

**The Boys in Blue**

 **Story 1: The Parking Ticket Detail**

Jason leaned against the door of the patrol car. Dick hadn't been kidding when he'd said that police work could be unbearably boring. Being the newest and youngest members of the force, they got stuck with the worst jobs. Jason dropped his cigarette and smothered it under his foot. A little evil grin graced the corners of his mouth. At least Dick was stuck giving out parking tickets with him.

Even though his brother had been on the Bludhaven police force a year longer than he had, Dick's partner and superior, Amy Rorscharch, still called him Rookie. Dick had tried and failed on multiple occasions to get her to drop the name, but apparently it just stuck. And Jason liked that. It made him laugh.

A moment later, Jason was stirred out of his brooding by Officer Grayson who walked around the patrol car with a lollypop. Typical Dick Grayson, thought Jason with a scowl. Most cops drank coffee, smoked, or ate doughnuts when they were bored. And while Dick did that sometimes, more often than not he wandered off and did something childish.

"Want one?" asked Dick offering Jason a lollypop.

Jason shrugged and took it. He wasn't sure if it would taste very good after the cigarette. "do you keep these in your pocket?" he asked.

"Yep. I keep them in case I run into kids. Or in case I just want a snack."

Jason rolled his eyes and unwrapped the candy. "Did you get stuck on a parking ticket detail on your first day?"

"Ah nope. On my first day, I had to talk a jumper off the bridge," said Dick.

Jason snorted.

"I mean I had to talk him off the edge of the bridge. You know, into staying on the bridge. The other way it put that…I wasn't thinking clearly."

"Lucky," Jason grumbled. He was seriously rethinking joining Dick in Bludaven.

They leaded against the patrol car without talking for a long moment. They were just bored out of their minds watching the traffic go by. Jason was fuming. He could out shoot anyone on the force, run faster than any one of the other officers (except maybe Dick, but he left that open for debate), and he could find any criminal faster than they could. So, what was he doing here handing out parking tickets? Life was so unfair.

He snuck a glace at his brother who was watching some children with darting blue eyes. The kids were playing a little too close to the busy street for comfort. Jason scowled at that. The only thing that made this tedious assignment bearable was the fact that Dick was being tortured with him; but Dick didn't look tortured. Bored yes. Tortured no. And that was, in Jason's words, fucking cruel.

Suddenly, a sleek black Mustang zipped along and parked abruptly in front of the restaurant across the street. The sudden fast motion startled both Dick and Jason and they straightened from their reclined posture of leaning against the car. They were effectively mesmerized by the vehicle. But as transfixed as their eyes were on the car, the driver who stepped out from behind the wheel made their jaws drop wide open.

"What the hell is Bruce doing in Bludahven?" Jason demanded angrily. He had just made a new life for himself in Bludhaven and he wasn't going to let Bruce screw it up for him.

"That restaurant he's at is part of a chain that runs out of Gotham. Batman suspects the chain of being a counterfeit operation front," Dick explained, "I suspect Batman is here and not Bruce Wayne."

"Well, he's in our city now," Jason grumbled. Yes, he was starting to get possessive over Bludhaven like Dick was. But he was living here now, so he should be forgiven.

"The BCPD have been watching this chain for a while, but can't stick anything to them," Dick informed him.

"I could make something stick," Jason muttered. Dick could too. But where were they? Oh right, giving out freaking parking tickets! The police department really sucked at handing out assignments. Maybe Nightwing and Red Hood could do some work on it later tonight. Deciding to change the subject, he turned to face Dick full on. "So, Batman hasn't asked for your help while he's here?"

"No," answered Dick. He looked sad. "We're not really working together any more. Or talking at all for that matter. He's still mad at me for deciding to bring you into BCPD with me instead of sending you back to prison or Arkham Asylum. He's been kind of a jerk to me recently."

Jason felt his blood boil. Bats was being an ass to Dick because he had dared to protect Jason instead of sending him back to Arkham with the Joker and that crowd? For the first time since Dick had taken him eight months ago, Jason thought about how the whole situation effected his older brother. Dick had fought tirelessly and pulled strings almost till they broke to get Jason into the police force and out of jail. He'd offered Jason protection in his city and the little alcove room in his apartment. And never asked for anything in return.

Even though he hadn't said it yet, Jason promised himself he'd thank Dick one day. So far, all he had really done was complain or threaten to leave when things didn't go his way. Thinking about it right now, Jason realized that he could be an insufferable house guest. No wonder Dick had left for a few days without speaking to him. Ah well. Brothers, what are they for but to help you when you need it and annoy you when you don't?

But that was enough reflection for one day. Even if he did plan to tell Dick _thank you for everything you did and standing up to The Bat for me,_ today wasn't the day. He looked back at Bruce's car and then down at the pad of parking tickets in his hands. A slow evil grin again edged up the corners of his lips for the second time that day.

"Hey Officer Grayson, did you check out Bruce's parking job? It's real shitty if you ask me," said Jason.

Dick grinned at him mischievously as he caught on. "I do believe you're right Officer Todd."

Without another word, they crossed the street towards Bruce's car. It was parked along the curb at a slight angle and a little too close to the fire hydrant (Dick got out a measuring tape just to be technical). Bruce should have used the parking lot behind the restaurant. The boys looked at each other and back down at the Police Department's Bludhaven Parking Manual.

"Looks like we can zing him if we want to," Dick observed, "which shall we do? Write him a ticket and have the car towed or write him a ticket and put a boot on it?"

Jason rubbed his chin in thought. The opportunity was just too good. "He'll be back before we can have it towed, so I say boot it."

"Sounds good to me." Dick wrote out the ticket, disguising his handwriting, and stuck the ticket under the windshield wiper. Jason went back to the patrol car and retrieved the boot. He and Dick stuck it on the tire by the driver's seat so Bruce couldn't miss it. Then they raced back to the patrol car and fled the scene. The whole thing just said _welcome to Bludhaven from Red Hood and Nightwing_. Well, if it had just been Jason, he would have stolen the tires and not just simply put a boot on them.

Bruce came out of the restaurant a few minutes later to find a parking ticket for $140 and a boot on his tire. "What the heck?" he demanded of no one in particular. His voice was full of aggravation and befuddlement. He crumpled the ticket in his fist and stomped off to find the nearest police officer and make them see reason. Whoever he found would learn the hard way that giving Bruce Wayne, and by extension Batman, a parking ticket was stupid and bad for one's health. Little did he know which two officers were parked around the corner.

* * *

 **Part 2 Coming Soon**

 **Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed. Don't know if putting Jason in a police department was the best idea, but I guess we'll find out.**


	2. Story 2: The Parking Ticket Detail pt2

**The Boys in Blue**

 **The Parking Ticket Detail: Part 2**

Bruce Wayne rounded the corner of the Bludhaven street in search of a police car. If he had been a cartoon character, there would have been smoke coming out of his ears. Walking a few paces, he spotted exactly what he wanted. He briefly reminded himself that he was supposed to be in his Brucie persona but then convinced himself the even Brucie had bad days and yelled at people. Batman wasn't the only one with the ability to make people see reason the hard way.

Storming up to the police car, he banged his fist on the driver's side window and glared in. The officer inside was lazily smoking a cigarette with his cap pulled down over his eyes. Bruce's scowl deepened. The nerve of making this man an officer of the law! He banged on the window again. He hated Bludhaven. Hated it. And the sooner he got to get out of there the better; preferably before his sons found out that he had gotten a parking ticket in their city. He could just imagine Dick and Jason laughing at him right now.

The officer rolled down the window slowly. "What's up Mac?" he asked. The words were hard to make out because he still had the cigarette in his mouth.

Bruce shoved the crumpled parking ticket through the window. "Look," he demanded.

The officer handed it back to him after a cursory inspection. "Looks like a parking ticket. And a darn good one."

"Some idiot officer put a boot on my car, and I want it removed! I have a meeting at Wayne Tech in an hour."

"Did you pay the ticket?"

"No."

"Nothing I can do till you pay up, Mac," said the officer stubbornly.

Bruce let out a Batman worthy growl. "Do you know who I am?"

"Do you know who I am?" the officer countered. (At this point, Jason was having a really hard time withholding the rising laughter. Dick had been right about one thing; being a police officer had its own odd little perks.)

"My punishment for coming to Bludhaven," answered Bruce flatly.

"Nope. I'm the 'idiot officer' who put the boot on your car Old Man." Jason finally removed the cigarette from his mouth and pushed the hat off his eyes. He looked up at Bruce with a wicked mischievous smirk.

"YOU!" cried Bruce slightly shocked. How had he not recognized Jason? He was extremely aggravated at himself and at his son. He reached through the window and grabbed Jason by his jacket. "Take the boot off my car now!" he demanded.

"Assaulting an officer? Tsk, tsk, Mr. Wayne. I'm surprised at you!" said a casual voice behind him.

Bruce turned around to see his eldest son grinning fiercely. He promptly dropped Jason's collar and faced Dick full on. The boy's smile never faltered. "You're in cahoots with Jason on this aren't you!" Bruce shouted. Dick's widening grin was answer enough. Thoroughly aggravated with his sons, Bruce reached for Dick's shoulders intent on shaking some sense into the boy. Suddenly, Bruce felt strong hands on his wrists and the cold sensation of metal being slapped into his wrists.

"I'm afraid you need to come with us Mr. Wayne," said Officer Todd behind him. He sounded entirely serious but there was a satisfied smirk edging the corners of his mouth. After Batman had arrested Red Hood, Jason had been dying for revenge. The fact that he was now a police officer with the authority to arrest Bruce Wayne was poetic justice. Jason really hoped Bruce saw the beautiful irony of it all.

"On what charges?" Bruce demanded, though he already knew the answer. He just couldn't believe that his sons would do this to him, especially Dick. Ok, yes, he had been an ass to them ever since Jason took up residence in Bludhaven. But in his defense, that was tough love. He just wanted Dick to send Jason to a psychiatric hospital to get the help he needed. Why couldn't they see that?

"Attempted aggravated assault and assaulting an officer," answered Jason.

Bruce glared at Dick for help even though he got the feeling it was pointless.

"He's not wrong," said Dick with a shrug. "Now I advise you come quietly and don't add resisting arrest to the charges."

Bruce scowled as he climbed into the back of the patrol car. Dick went around to the other side and got into the passenger seat as Jason fired up the engine. Dick asked if Bruce wanted the windows up or down, but all he got for his trouble was a string of complaints and lectures. Deciding he'd had enough, Dick closed the divider window between the back seats for those arrested and the officers' more comfortable front seats. Jason turned up _Only the Good Die Young_ on the radio and mentally sang along.

They arrived at the BCPD fifteen minutes later and Bruce was escorted into a temporary holding cell. Dick advised him that he could make one phone call. Bruce's pride got in the way of his better judgment, and he chucked the phone at Dick's unsuspecting backside. Shrugging, Dick bent over and picked up the phone.

"You shouldn't use the law for practical jokes, even if everything you did is within your rights," Bruce scolded.

"How do you know this is a practical joke?" asked Dick innocently batting his eyelashes.

Bruce groaned again. "Those smirks on your faces gave you away. You two are enjoying this too much."

"Maybe we are," said Dick. He couldn't hold in the laughter rising up inside him as he really looked at Bruce glaring at him from behind bars. The laugh broke free without his consent, loud and genuine and beautiful.

 _Why couldn't Dick be serious for one minute?_ Wondered Bruce. "Listen, Dick," Bruce whispered urgently while the two of them were still alone, "you can't let Jason loose around Bludhaven with a gun. He's unpredictable and dangerous. He needs professional help. And if the police ever found out who he really is…"

"What? They'd lock him up, right? If that's what you want, then why haven't you exposed him as the Red Hood yet?" hissed Dick.

"Because if I did that, it would compromise us all; you, me, Tim, Barbra. You can't help him by handing him a gun and telling him that now he's on the right side of the law," Bruce continued to argue.

"Contrary to popular belief, Jason isn't as insane as people think. He's lost. I'm helping him by trusting him. He hasn't tried to kill you or Tim since he started living with me."

"How long will that last? He shouldn't be running around with guns. Neither of you should."

"Have you ever read the _US Constitution,_ Bruce? The founding law of this country protects our right to own guns and use them to defend ourselves and our families. And while I still whole heartedly despise them myself, we are allowed to carry them," Dick shot back.

Bruce shook his head. "It's dangerous," he repeated.

The argument paused as Officer Todd and Chief Redhorn walked into the room. The chief's eyes goggled for a moment seeing Bruce Wayne, Billionaire, Play-boy, Philanthropist, behind bars. As for Jason, his face was alight with triumphant amusement.

Chief Redhorn cleared his throat as if it would expel the awkward tension and rising sense of hilarity from the room. "Mr. Wayne, Officer Todd has informed me that you have been charged with attempted assault on an officer."

"Two actually," Jason corrected him, "but you're doing fine chief."

"The 'officer's' in question are my sons," said Bruce rolling his eyes, "this is some kind of punishment joke."

"Then you didn't assault them?" demanded Redhorn looking both betrayed and confused.

"Well, I grabbed Jason's collar and tried to shake some sense into Dick, like I did when they were children. I hardly intended them harm," answered Bruce.

"I see. Well…um," the chief didn't really know what to say. If Bruce had done that to any other officer, well he could be charged and fined. However, family familiarity made it sound less serious. Honestly, he didn't know what he was supposed to do with Bruce Wayne; or the boys for that matter. "Well, I'll just leave you three to settle your differences for a while," he finally decided.

As soon as the chief was gone, Jason whipped out his phone and took a picture of Bruce in his cell. Tossing the phone to his brother so Dick could look at the picture too, Jason wrapped his arms around his chest and roared with laughter. Dick allowed Bruce to see the picture, and the scowl on the man's face deepened. Dick joined Jason in hysterics; the two boys holding each other upright as their laughter threatened to bring them too their knees.

"Laugh all you want, but one day there will be a reckoning for this," Bruce threatened slipping into his bat-voice.

The boys just laughed louder.

"I'm late for a meeting," Bruce tried.

"I don't think that cell will accommodate a conference table," laughed Jason.

"He still has one free phone call," Dick pointed out.

"Oh ha, ha," Bruce deadpanned.

"You look very natural in there, Old Man," said Jason.

"You can't keep me here much longer!"

Dick looked like he sobered up for a moment. "By god, he's right Jay! I'll bet Alfred's already baked a file into a cake and is on his way."

"I'll put an end to that," Jason promised. He pulled out the communicator in his pocket and pretended to call all the other officers. "This is officer Todd calling all cars; be on the look out for an elderly butler carrying a cake. Over."

"You'll pay for this," Bruce promised.

Just then the chief returned. "Have you sorted out your differences and decided how you're going to proceed?"

"Yes Chief," said Dick. He had stooped laughing. "We're dropping the charges."

"We are?!" demanded Jason. The smile dropped of his face in an instant and he looked like he had been kicked in the stomach.

"Yes, Jason. We are."

"Maybe you are, but I'm sure as hell not going to!" declared Jason stubbornly.

"Yes, you are. This as has gone far enough Jay," insisted Dick.

Jason scowled. They seemed to be having a conversation without words for a moment. Bruce wondered since when they had gotten that close. They had started acting like real brothers; putting things of the past aside and working as a unit. Bruce had never expected anyone to be able to get close to Jason ever again after all that had happened. But he was wrong.

"Fine!" Jason snarled after a moment, "but I'm keeping the picture."

Dick smirked. "I'd quit talking to you if you ever deleted it."

"Right then," Redhorn interrupted, "it sounds like you're free to go Mr. Wayne as soon as you pay the parking ticket."

"Certainly," said Bruce.

"I'll go make sure his car is here," said Dick leaving the room without looking at Bruce again.

Jason grabbed the keys to Bruce's cell and opened the door. As Bruce stepped past him to leave, Jason grabbed his arm. "Do you remember what Dick did for you when he became Robin? He saved you. Alfred told me so. Well, he's doing the same for me; no matter how strenuously I will deny it if you ever quote me on this," Jason hissed in Bruce's ear. Bruce tried to pull away from him but Jason yanked back. "The point is, I don't know why Dickhead sticks up for either one of us, but he does. And we're lucky to have him."

An odd smile spread over Bruce's face. "Now I know how to blackmail you Jason. Behave yourself or I'll tell Dick everything you just said."

"You do that and I will personally egg and TP your house," Jason threatened as darkly as he could.

This time Bruce outright laughed. "You're not threatening to shoot me?"

Jason started at him pointedly. "While I would be more than happy to shoot you, Dick won't like that very much and I'll have to suffer through another one of his 'brotherly lectures' and watching him cry. Heck, he'll blame himself for not listening to you and have me committed. And honestly, I'd rather have you after me that him."

"Why?"

"Because you're pathetic Old Man. You just lost a battle with the Bludhaven Police," Jason laughed.

And then he stopped. A curious expression spread over his face like a mask dropping awkwardly into place. For a moment, joking around with and insulting Bruce felt normal. A kind of comfortable that he had forgotten. Dick knew that Jason missed Bruce, but Jason didn't know he missed Bruce. Even though everything he did was for Bruce's attention, he didn't think he really truly missed the man. Right now, he felt like he was sobering up after a drinking spree but he hadn't gotten drunk. He felt so hollow. He hated it when Dick was right.

"Just get out of here," said Jason.

Bruce nodded. "I think that would be best."

Dick was waiting by the door to show Bruce to the parking lot where his car was. Bruce left Jason to follow Dick to the parking lot where his car was waiting for him. He settled himself behind the wheel, and then looked up as Dick began to walk away.

"Dick," Bruce called.

"Yeah?"

"Good one."

And Dick smiled a little as Bruce drove away.

Later that evening, Dick and Jason decided to go out to Roxie's Bar for a celebration over their joke on Bruce. Starfire was already on her way, and Jason planned to try flirting with Roxie (Roxanne) the owner of the place. A night on the town was the perfect ending to the perfect day. They were about to leave, when they heard a light tapping on the door.

Dick answered the door thinking it was Kori, but was surprised to see Tim Drake standing awkwardly in the doorway. "Tim?" he asked in surprise.

"Can I come in?" asked Tim nervously.

"No!" shouted Jason, "don't let the replacement in here!"

But Dick moved aside for Tim to enter and glared at Jason.

"What's up Tim?" asked Dick with a smile.

Tim hesitated for a moment, then blurted, "did you guys really arrest Bruce? And take a picture of him in the cell and everything?"

"We sure did," answered Jason proudly.

"Can I see the picture?" asked Tim. Jason pulled out his phone and they all got a good laugh. "I can't believe you guys! He was so pissed when he got home that he ranted around the cave for an hour. It's the best thing that happened to him all week!"

"Well he deserved it," said Jason with conviction.

"We were going to celebrate. Care to join us?" asked Dick.

"I can't go to the bar," answered Tim skeptically. He knew neither could Jason technically, but change came slow. Dick had decided that he didn't mind Jason drinking under age knowing if he said something, it would just sound hypocritical since he had been doing it himself until the beginning of this year.

"We'll get ice cream instead," Dick offered. He turned to Jason, "will you and Kori be alright with that?"

"You think I would give up a night of flirting with Roxie and drinking to go have ice cream with replacement?" Jason demanded. Then, unexpectedly he shrugged. "Why not? Replacement needs to hear the full story of Bruce's trip to the clink."

So, they had a celebration. All of them. Dick, Jason, Tim, and Kori. Tim got the full story with all the jokes. Dick and Kori sat hand in hand under the stars. And Jason started flirting with Tammy, the Australian girl who ran the ice cream shop. They had a wonderful evening at the expense of Bruce's reputation.

Tim waved as he boarded the bus back to Gotham. He still felt a little awkward around Jason. Maybe still a little afraid of the older boy since the last time they met, Red Hood tried to kill him. But he'd seen Jason grow and thought it would be nice to get to know the other Robin. He loved Dick to death. Maybe he'd learn to love Jason and just maybe, Jason would learn to accept him. Turning back to face his brothers he said, "I'm coming back guys. You'll see me again."

"Joke's on you Replacement; Dick and I were just about to poke out our eyes," Jason informed him. Weather or not he was being sarcastic was anyone's guess.

"Speak for yourself Jay!" cried Dick horrified.

Tim laughed as the bus drove away.

 **Epilog: Group Chat with Dick, Jason, Alfred, and Tim**

 **Tim:** Hey guys! I made a group chat.

 **Jason:** How did you get my number Captain Obvious?!

 **Tim:** Um, Dick…duh

 **Jason:** Of course. That horses' ass!

 **Tim:** No need for name calling; his nick-name will suffice if you use it right

 **Jason:** Believe me, I've made every 'Dick' joke under the sun

 **Dick:** Uh, guys…I'm on the chat too you know

 **Tim:** …

 **Alfred:** Hello

 **Jason:** How does one get out of a group chat with a bunch of losers?

 **Dick:** You don't. LOL

 **Author's Note:**

 **Thank you all for your support of this story! I really appreciate it and I hope you liked part 2. Writing this story was way harder than I thought it would be.**

 **I hope this is making some kind of sense. It's hard to figure out how to keep Jason Todd and Red Hood separate. But then, some of those strings Dick was pulling to make it happen included doctoring Jason's history and record. Also for the record, some of the cops in Bludhaven (including Chief Redhorn) do have some kind of criminal record in the comics. It's some of the corruption Dick went in trying to fix.**

 **Up Next:** ** _Why Dick doesn't Cook_**


	3. Story 3: Why Dick Doesn't Cook

**The Boys in Blue**

 **Why Dick Doesn't Cook**

Dick wandered out of his bedroom into the kitchen of is little Bludhaven apartment. He hadn't bothered to get dressed or showered yet and still wore his pajama shorts and Micky Mouse tee-shirt. He stretched his arms over his head, yawned, and raked a hand through his tousled raven hair. Yesterday had been brutal; another lame assignment from the BCPD and then an eventful patrol as Nightwing. In retrospect, he should have followed Jason's lead and taken the night off.

He dutifully ignored Jason's combat boots on the kitchen counter and the bags of chips scattered on the floor. One of them would clean up eventually. Probably Jason. Dick really didn't mind the mess at all and could go for days without feeling compelled to clean it up, but Jason could only take it up to a point. Dick briefly wondered if Alfred would faint if he ever had occasion to visit.

But his thoughts were getting away from him. He was in the kitchen to grab a bowl of cereal before getting ready for work. He hunted for a clean bowl and when he didn't find one, he decided to pour his breakfast into the sauce pan instead. As far as mornings in Bludhaven went, this one was pretty darn good. Dick leaned back at the counter with his cereal and watched the intermittent traffic outside his living room window.

Jason wandered out of his own room a few minutes later. With a grunt and a groan, he climbed onto the other barstool set up at the kitchen island/counter. "What are you eating?" he asked.

"Uh...cereal," answered Dick as if it was the most natural thing in the world. And for him, it was.

Jason let out another groan. "Really? Again? And in a sauce pan?"

Dick shrugged. "We're out of clean bowls and I don't cook."

"Oh, for pity's sake!" exclaimed Jason, "that does it! You are going to cook a real breakfast if it kills both of us."

"Not likely. There's a reason I don't cook."

"You don't really have a choice," Jason informed him. Suddenly, he was very much awake. He grabbed Dick's wrist and pulled him off the barstool and over to the stove. Jason hunted in the cupboards for something to make. There wasn't a whole lot besides dirty dishes, snacks, and little odd and ends that didn't' really fall into any category. "Mother Hubbard!" (He had this reaction every time he went to cook something).

Finally, his hand prized some pancake mix. It wasn't ideal, but for Dick it was a start. He shoved the box at his older brother who still looked somewhat dubious. "Here! Make these."

Dick rolled his eyes, but began hunting for the mixing bowl. He was sure he bought one once. After a few minutes, he found it under the sink full of candy. He emptied the candy into an old cereal box and pored the pancake mix into the bowl. Jason stopped him right there.

"No idiot!" said Jason, "you have to measure out the mix. Read the back of the box."

"But that takes so long," whined Dick.

"No it doesn't! That's a lame ass excuse. Now read the box."

Dick rolled his eyes again, but began to read, "Aunt Beth's Pancakes! Full of flavor and…"

"Quit messing with me Dick!" snapped Jason. "And wipe the smile off your face."

The smile never left the corners of Dick's lips, but he did start to cooperate. He measured out the ingredients, mixed them together, and even fished out the little pieces of egg shell. He risked a glace at Jason, who didn't look at all impressed. Hey, not everyone can be a wonder in the kitchen like Alfred.

"Now, put some butter in the pan so they don't stick," Jason instructed. He sounded like he was giving instructions to a second grader.

Dick laughed a little at his tone of voice on the inside where Jason couldn't hear him. He took the rest on the stick of butter and dumped it unceremoniously in the pan.

"No!" cried Jason pulling it back out. "You don't need that much!" He put in a delicate amount of butter and them some of the pancake mix. "Now, let me see how you flip a pancake." Dick didn't move. Jason looked over only to find that Dick was half asleep on his feet leaning on the counter. He smacked his sleeping brother with the spatula and ordered that he pay attention. "Flip the pancake," he instructed again.

Dick took the spatula from him and slid it under the pancake. He overestimated the amount of force needed to dislodge it from the pan. The pancake flew into the air and stuck to the ceiling over their heads. Dick and Jason both looked up. "Oops."

"Well done," Jason deadpanned. His expression remained blank at the pancake fell from the ceiling and landed on his head. Never the less, after a few more minutes of instruction, Jason was confident that Dick could handle the cooking on his own and went to go take a shower. That, he would later learn, was a mistake.

Dick reluctantly took over the kitchen. He hated cooking. Hated it. So, when Kori started texting him, he wasn't about to ignore her. Between messages, he poured more of the mix into the pan. But as the conversation got more and more interesting, he forgot the little detail where he was supposed to be cooking. That is, he forgot until the fire alarm sounded. He sent Kori a "ttyl" and started trying to fan off the smoke. Then he heard the shower turn off. Great. Just great.

Moments later, Jason Todd appeared with a towel wrapped around his waist and steaming water dripping into his eyes. "What the hell did you do?" he screamed.

"I may have over cooked the pancakes," answered Dick. He coughed as he inhaled the smoke.

Jason stormed over to the stove to looked at the mess. The pancakes looked like hokey pucks. They were burned right into the pan. Thick smoke curled around the kitchen and invaded the rest of the little apartment. "Open the window and let the smoke out," coughed Jason. He tried to move the pan to the sink, but the sink was full of god knows what. Besides, there were two pancakes caught under the burner causing most of the problem.

"I can't get the window open," Dick called from somewhere in the smoke.

"Try harder!" shouted Jason.

Suddenly, both of their heads shot up as the fire alarms for the entire building rang out. They could hear people running down the hall outside their apartment. "Uh oh," said Dick. He continued to struggle with the window. As he did, he could hear the sirens of a firetruck racing towards them in the near distance. He abandon the window and dashed back to the kitchen.

Jason grabbed the Wonder Woman tee shirt off the top of the refrigerator and put it on. He turned to Dick. "What part of watch the pancakes did you forget?!"

"The part after 'watch'!" Dick fired back, "there's a reason I eat cereal for breakfast!"

"You can't just eat cereal!"

"That's what take-out is for!"

The two brothers continued to stand screaming at each other in the middle of the room until a heavy fist banged on the apartment. Instantly, the argument ceased and their heads snapped simultaneously to the source of the new commotion. "This is the Bludhaven fire department. We're coming in. Everything is going to be ok," said a voice.

"Now you've done it boy-blunder," growled Jason.

"Jay, the uniforms! Nightwing and Red Hood!" Dick reminded him.

"Shit!" cried Jason. They scrambled to hide their uniforms before the fire department busted down their door. They barely made it back to the living room before the fire-men broke into the apartment. They swarmed in and began searching for the source of the smoke. "Get the boys out of here," ordered the chief.

"What? No," said Dick, "there isn't a fire. I just…"

"Get them out of here!"

"Wait, you don't understand," Dick tried again.

But the firemen were having non of it. It was their job to keep people safe, and by golly, they were going to do it. One of the men threw Dick, still protesting and trying to explain, over his shoulder and carried him out into the hall. Jason laughed. That would teach Dick to neglect pancakes. He followed the firemen out the door before one of them decided to give him the same treatment. He didn't even try not to laugh at the spectacle Dick was making. Instead, he pulled out his phone and started taking pictures.

"Put me down!" Dick shouted, "there's no fire in the apartment; just burnt pancakes."

"The chief will decide when it's safe again," said the fireman patiently. He sounded like he thought Dick had inhaled too much smoke or something.

"Smile," ordered Jason holding his camera to Dick's face, which was really awkward considering he was slung over the fireman's shoulder and practically upside down. Never the less, Dick glared at the camera and gave Jason the finger. Yeah, they spent a little too much time together. Jason snapped the picture and laughed, however he had to stop soon after to readjust the towel around his waist.

Once safely outside the building, Jason noticed a police squad car parked alongside an ambulance. Sergeant Amy Rorscharch dashed over to them as the fireman finally put Dick on his own two feet again. "What happened? Rookie, are you ok?" She kept the worry out of her voice by being commanding. Amy was like Bruce in that way.

"I'm fine Amy," said Dick sheepishly running a hand through his hair.

"What happened?" she demanded again.

"Dick here…" Jason began but he didn't get very far because the Fire Chief and the rest of his men came outside.

"Everyone calm down," the chief addressed the gathering of tenants and officers outside the building, "there wasn't a fire. You can all go back to your apartments after the smoke clears."

"If there wasn't a fire, why did the alarms all go off?" demanded Mrs. Sourby (Dick and Jason's grumpy neighbor).

"This was lodged under the stove burner in apartment 37," the chief answered holding up one black pancake.

"What is that?" Mrs. Sourby practically screamed. She and the chief turned their attention on Dick and Jason who fidgeted under their intense scrutiny, but for different reasons. Dick because he was guilty and Jason because he was still wearing a towel. Amy was also still waiting for her explanation.

"It's a pancake," answered Dick. He could feel the heat rising in his cheeks. The chief looked rather put out. "I tried to tell you! But you wouldn't listen. Instead you had me dragged outside!" Dick defended himself. The chief rolled his eyes. The look of intensity vanished from his face as he burst out laughing. And then the rest of the fire department joined him. And then Jason and the tenants. And then Amy started laughing too.

"Get dressed you two," she ordered, "you go on duty in an hour. And Todd, keep Rookie away from the stove in the future."

As they walked back up to the apartment, Jason glared at Dick. "This was your plan, wasn't it? To get out of cooking for good."

Dick grinned in response and left it at that. Maybe it hadn't been a plan, but he couldn't argue with the results. _Cereal, here I come!_

 **Epilog: Group Chat over text with Dick, Jason, Alfred, and Tim**

 **Tim:** Dick, I saw the Bludhaven Gazette this morning

 **Dick:** …

 **Tim:** Alfred saw it too. He wasn't impressed LOL

 **Jason:** Can you blame him? Dicky-boy can't even cook pancakes without causing a fuckin' disaster!

 **Alfred:** Watchyourlanguagemasterjason.

 **Dick:** What the…?

 **Dick:** Use the spacebar Alfie

 **Alfred:** Certainlysir. Whereisthespacebar.

 **Dick:** …0_0

 **Jason:** Hahaha! I'll give you three guesses old man.

 **Tim:** I got this, guys

 **Alfred:** Returning to the matter at hand; Master Dick, you cannot walk away from the stove while you are cooking. When something starts turning black, it is already over-done.

 **Dick:** Well I know that now…

 **Jason:** He always has to learn the hard way

 **Jason:** I have a picture of the stove and Dick getting carried out of the building by the fireman!

 **Tim:** Post them!

 **Dick:** Don't you dare!

 **Jason:** (two photos)

 **Jason:** Too late!

 **Alfred:** My word Master Dick! How did you create such a mess?!

 **Tim:** My stomach hurts I'm laughing so hard! I even spat out my coffee! Dick I didn't think even you could create such a disaster! LOL. How am I supposed to study now?

 **Dick:** I'll answer your questions/accusations after I kill Jason

 **Jason:** Filthy hypocrite!

 **Dick:** Where did I put Starfire's perfume?

 **Jason:** You wouldn't dare spray that shit on me!

 **Alfred:** Language!

 **Tim:** Getting more coffee. Happy hunting Dick :)

 **Jason:** I hate you replacement

* * *

 **Author's Note: Thanks for reading and for all of your interest in these stories. I hope you laughed.**

 **Coming Up Next: _Hunt for the Red Hood_ **or _ **Batman in Bludhaven.**_ **Your choice. If you have an opinion one way or the other, please leave your vote in the reviews. Votes will be counted Thursday.**


	4. Story 4: Batman in Bludhaven Part 1

**The Boys in Blue**

 **Batman in Bludhaven Part 1**

Batman hated Bludhaven. For one thing, it was even more crime ridden than Gotham, and for another, he didn't know the streets, alleys, warehouses, and docks nearly well enough for his comfort. On top of that, vigilantes in Bludhaven were persecuted more relentlessly than those in his city. While Police Commissioner Jim Gordon may have seen the need for outside help in the fight against crime, the BPD certainly did not. And if that wasn't reason enough to stay hate the city, Batman had to keep an eye out for his trouble-loving former partners Nightwing and Red Hood or Officers Grayson and Todd.

So, as he surveyed the restaurant across the street from his perch atop a fire escape, he kept a warry eye out for trouble. He knew that both the Gotham and Bludhaven police departments were aware that this particular chain of restaurants was somehow connected to a drug dealing ring, but they didn't know how. Batman was about to crack the case. It was just too bad he couldn't do it from Gotham.

"Sir," called a voice from somewhere below him, "come down from there please." Batman froze. How had someone spotted him? How had he not noticed they were below him?

"Hey, you in the Halloween costume, come down from there!" shouted a second voice.

Batman growled as he looked down. Two police officers were looking up at him from the street. Great. Just great. His first impulse was to ignore them, but considering what happened last time he was in Bludhaven, decided against pissing them off too badly. He swung down from his perch, purposefully making himself look as intimidating as possible. "What do you want?" he growled.

It was worth a shot, but Dick and Jason were immune to his threating presence. They didn't so much as flinch. "What were you doing up there?" asked Dick in his police officer voice. Did he think he was talking to a drunk? Probably.

"That's none of your business!" Batman snapped.

"Yes it is," Jason shot back at him, "are you aware that you were trespassing?"

Batman growled at him. Unfortunately, Jason smirked at that. Batman had given him exactly what he wanted.

"Take this sir," ordered Officer Grayson shoving a breathalyzer test in Batman's face.

"Get that thing away from me!" Batman threw the breathalyzer on the ground and crushed it under his boot. "We both know I'm not drunk."

Dick just shrugged. "A man wearing a bat costume and sitting precariously on a fire escape ogling a restaurant through a pair of high-powered binoculars, must either be drunk, high, or…"

"A fuckin' nutcase," Jason finished for him. Dick shot him a look which Jason had long since learned to ignore. "Hey! What the hell…" he cried suddenly as Batman yanked him and Dick out of sight into the ally. Batman had a hand covering his mouth as he pushed his sons down behind some trash bins. Jason fought free of the offending hand that covered his mouth. Who did Bruce think he was coming to Bludhaven and pushing him around? He was about to say something more, when Dick shushed him.

"Keep your mouth shut, Jason!" snapped Dick who was now crouching behind the trash bins carefully out of sight. He was on instant alert and slipping easily into "bat-mode" beside Bruce. The gleam in his eyes told Jason that he was sitting beside Nightwing rather than Dick Grayson.

Jason huffed out a sigh. Dick was always that perfect child it seemed; even when Batman invaded their city and started bossing them around. Jason liked it best when it was just him and Dick in Buldhaven. They had fun together and he got to see the wild side of his brother he hadn't known existed. Though, he liked to take some credit for corrupting Dick; even if it was just a little.

"That's The Steel Hand," whispered Dick peeking over the lid of a trash can.

"The what?" demanded Jason also taking a look. The man he saw walking into the restaurant across the street (which was closed) was wearing a white version of Sherlock Holmes's coat, a red Parisian scarf, a gangster hat from a 1950's movie and dark sunglasses. His left hand was made of a gleaming folded steel alloy. "Are you sure that's The Steel Hand and not 'my outfit was a steal because I have less fashion sense than Dick'?"

Despite himself, the corners of Batman's lips lifted upwards. "That would be a mouthful of a code name."

"My fashion sense is flawless," said Dick indignantly.

"The pixie boots and panties," Jason reminded him.

"I was 9!"

Jason snickered.

"Settle down boys," Batman interrupted. His eyes were scanning the restaurant.

"Hey, you wore them too. You literally just took my old uniform."

"You started it 'wonder boy'. I just got stuck with the lame-ass fairy costume you designed."

"Alfred helped!"

"That's no excuse!"

"Stop arguing you two! You'll blow our cover!" Batman growled.

"I'd like to blow _your_ cover," mumbled Jason. Dick gave him a _what is that supposed to mean_ look. Jason just shrugged. And Batman pinched the bridge of his nose to stave off the oncoming headache they were giving him. Why did it have to be Bludhaven?

"I'm going in. You two stay here," Batman instructed. He went to pull one of his famous disappearing acts, but Jason roughly grabbed his shoulder and yanked him back.

"You're not going anywhere, old man. This is our city," Jason growled.

"He has a point," said Dick folding his arms over his chest.

"You're not dressed for this kind of work. And this is my mission," Batman stated stubbornly.

Dick and Jason spoke at the same time:

"The hell it's your mission!" hissed Jason.

"Not dressed for it?!" cried Dick in a hoarse whisper, "it's our job to bust bad guys. We're cops! We are certainly dressed for the occasion." Dick was fuming. So was Jason.

"Don't you two have speeding tickets to hand out or something?" asked Batmen as he made a move towards the restaurant again. Judging by their faces, he had struck a nerve; Dick flinched and Jason's looked like he was going to punch Bruce, then Dick, then Bruce again.

"Listen old man; either you let us help, or I ship you UPS back to Gotham in your underwear," Jason threatened. "Your choice."

"I'd like to see you try, Jason," Batman challenged.

And that was quite enough for a boy like Jason. He pulled his guns out and pointed them in Batman's face. Both men tensed until Dick stepped boldly between Jason's guns and Batman's fist. "That's enough you two! I'd tell you to pull your heads out of your asses, but you'd probably decapitate yourselves."

Jason lifted an eyebrow. Where did Dick learn to talk like that? Probably from him. So he could take the credit for corrupting the "Golden Boy" after all. Good to know. Conversely, he wondered if any of Dick's traits had worn off on him. He hoped to god that hadn't happened yet. Then, as he lowered and holstered his guns, it registered that he was doing exactly what Dick had been telling him to do from the beginning: take a breath and one step back. Jason groaned internally. Note to self: spend more time at the shooting range with the poster of Batman and less time watching Looney Tunes with Dick and Kori. However, his mind soon snapped back to real time.

Batman's eyes narrowed, but he lowered his fists. "You're not coming." With that, he threw smoke pellets on the ground, and when the smoke cleared, he was gone. Dick and Jason coughed and waved their arms in front of their faces to clear away the remaining wisps of curling smoke. They looked at each other. Then back and the restaurant with the blinking sign that read "The Pirate's Parrot, Bar and Grill".

"Should have seen that coming."

"Shut up Dickhead."

"We're not going to let him get away with that, are we."

"Hell no."

* * *

 **Author's Note: Sorry it took me so long to update. Not only am I back in school, but the dynamics of these stories are really hard to figure out. Hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading!**

 **Part 2 is already in the making and coming soon! Sorry for the delay.**


	5. Sory 5: Batman in Bludhaven Part 2

**The Boys in Blue**

 **Story 5: Batman in Bludhaven part 2**

Dick and Jason walked casually from behind the trash cans in the ally and made a move to go after Batman. It's not like they didn't know he was headed to the restaurant across the street. Once at the restaurant, they scanned their surroundings. A preliminary sweep revealed a gap in the building's security along the wall between the gutter pipe and a billboard menu potentially giving them accesses to the roof. They were about to climb up the side of the building to watch the proceedings when some gleaming black metal peeking out from behind a rusty dumpster caught Jason's eye. He tugged on Dick's jacket.

"What?" demanded Dick. He paused his ascent a little reluctantly.

Jason pointed. "Unless I miss my guess, that's the…"

"Batmobile!" interrupted Dick excitedly, "good eye, Jace."

Purpose of climbing the building after Batman forgotten, the two ambled over to the unattended Batmobile. Dick stroked his chin in thought. "What do you think, Jason? Pink spray paint and a bow?"

"I was thinking of writing 'I am a huge dick" on the windshield," answered Jason.

Dick did not look impressed. "Uh-huh."

"On second thought, your idea sounds pretty good too."

The brothers trotted quickly and quietly back to their patrol car and popped the trunk. Jason had always wondered what Dick kept that emergency briefcase. Now that he was privy to that particularly coveted information, he grinned. Inside was a Miley Cyrus CD, two cans of washable pink spray paint, dish soap, whoopie cushions, Tinkerbell stickers, and other assorted goodies. Why a grown man would carry such thing around was, at this moment, painfully obvious. Upon getting back to the Batmobile, the two boys got to work.

Meanwhile, Batman slipped silently into the shadows behind the Pirate's Parrot Barr and Grill. Tim's intel had been right again; they were moving the drugs tonight. He didn't even have to break into the building itself. He made mental notes of how many men surrounded the van and their weapons. Two had full automatic weapons plus hand grenades. The driver was unarmed and looked like a single father, upstanding citizens of the law, rather than a criminal save for his hardened expression. However, the bulk of the mob were armed with subtler hand guns and variations of Batman's tech. In fact, one wouldn't even know they were armed if one didn't know where to look.

The Steal Hand himself was supervising the men who loaded crates of takeout boxes full of their own recreational version of Morphine into the vans. This was good. After months of tracking their successfully discrete sales, Batman finally had evidence against them. Though this was only the more careless Bludhaven branch of the operation, he was one step closer to ridding his streets of their drug induced control.

After a full fifteen minutes of gathering video evidence and making meticulous mental notes, Batman rose from his hiding place on the roof. The gang was about to leave. Batman used a magnetized precision gun to shoot a tracker onto the underside of the van before slinking back into the ally where he had left the Batmobile.

He intended to follow the van in his car, except there was one slight problem; it was gone. And in its place, someone had left a ridiculous hot pink replica. Bludhaven. Lord he hated this city. He opened the door of the imposter vehicle intent on learning the name of its owner. It was then that he discovered that the pink paint was wet. The color underneath was black. This was _the_ Batmobile. The one and only. Batman's car.

Before his brain registered what he was doing, Batman let out a deafening scream of furry and aggravation. _WHY?! Just why!_ The sound echoed off the walls of buildings and the pavement. And when it subsided, the city was silent as the grave. It was as if God himself were holding his breath until the Bat had finished screaming.

"Damnit!" cursed Batman under his breath. If that didn't alert people he was around, nothing would.

In the near distance, he could hear the Steal Hand and his men scrambling to make their get away. "Damnit!" he cursed again. Batman slid into the driver's seat and made ready to pursue the drug dealers. He turned the engine over and it roared to life. As did the car's built in CD player; _Hoedown Throwdown_ blasted over the speakers. Batman tried to turn it off, but someone had messed with the wiring and he could neither turn the music off nor turn the volume down. _Great. Just great_. Realizing that he couldn't do anything about the Batmobile's new paint job or the music at the time being, Batman sped after the retreating drug van at top speed.

Near by, Dick and Jason exchanged a fist bump.

"I think he's speeding," Dick commented.

"From the look on his face, I'd say it was road rage," Jason added.

"Right. After that traffic offender!" declared Dick.

The two boys raced back to the patrol car. Jason tossed the keys to his brother as they neared the vehicle. Dick slid into the driver's seat and started the engine. He pulled out onto the road as Jason flipped on the lights and sirens. Dick gunned it as he turned the corner in hot pursuit. With the pink paintjob, the Batmobile wasn't hard to track.

Jason picked up the car's radio speaker. "Calling all cars, calling all cars. This is Officer Todd in car 25. We're in hot pursuit of a pink Batmobile. Suspect in black cape and cowl will not pull over and is currently speeding 35 miles above the speed limit down Hemsworth avenue. Requesting backup."

Chief Redhorn's voice crackled over the speaker. "Did you just say a _pink_ Batmobile?!"

"Yes sir. I did."

"Vigilantes these days," Redhorn grumbled under his breath. "I'm sending cars 21, 14, 19, and 2 as backup. They'll be tracking your movements."

Abandoning the radio for the time being, Jason pulled one of the guns out of his holsters. He flashed a fierce grin over at Dick. "I take back everything I ever said, I love working with you. Sometimes. Well, right now. Yeah."

Dick returned the smile. "I'll remember you said that." He grunted as he slammed on the breaks and turned the steering wheel hard to the right.

"Actually, I think I just like high speed chases when we're going after Bruce."

Meanwhile, Batman was cursing and growling as he sped after the van down one of Bludhaven's larger streets. He was thinking of all the ways he would be able to get back at Dick and Jason. This was twice now they had attacked him during his time in Bludhaven. Twice! His reputation and dignity, not to mention pride, were starting to take a beating. And really, pink? How childish could one get? This was equivalent to a middle school prank. It was like something you would see in a cartoon.

Fury clouded Batman's vision as he turned the next corner. Ordinarily the criminals in the car he was chasing would be shooting at him by now. With the pink paintjob, it appeared that no one would be taking him seriously tonight.

"Sir, Master Timothy would like to have your permission to go to the movies with his friend Stephanie tonight," Alfred's calm voice crackled over the car's Bluetooth speaker.

"I'm a little busy right now, Alfred," grunted Bruce.

"I see sir," Alfred's voice was tinged with dry sarcasm this time, "listening to Miley Cyrus, if I'm not mistaken."

Bruce was tightlipped when he answered, "you're not."

"Should I ask miss Gordon if you can borrow some CD's from her famed Justin Bieber vault?"

"Not funny, Alfred!" warned Bruce. Then an idea popped into his head. "On second thought…"

The conversation was put on pause as Batman detected a squad of police cars on his tail. Sirens were screaming. Lights flashing. The officers in the car behind him were grinning. He could just imagine the conversation the police officers were having amongst themselves as the highspeed procession of vehicles entered the Bludhaven to Gotham bridge.

The bridge was a straight away. It was a pretty dumb move on the part of the Steel Hand and his gang. No doubt the several cop cars that had joined in the chase had scared the criminals into making a devastating mistake. It was time to end things. Batman increased speed. He passed the van with relative ease; successfully placing the van between himself and the police.

And now for the smoke screen which would cause the driver the stop due to reduced visibility. He pressed the switch and waited for the smoke screen to take effect. What happened instead was not amusing in the least. Instead of smoke, the Batmobile started spewing bubbles at the car behind him. Someone had filled the smoke tank with dish soap. Batman was tempted to scream again. Nevertheless, the bubbles had the desired effect.

The drug van screeched to a stop. It slammed sideways into the Batmobile with a loud clang, tipping sideways, and finally coming to rest on the pavement. Batman was out of the car and subduing the driver, dealers, and the Steel Hand before Dick and Jason pulled up alongside the van.

"This is the Bludhaven Police. Exit the vehicle and put your hands on your heads," called Dick as he got out of the patrol car.

Jason came up beside him and leveled his gun at the men, "do as he says, or we'll leave you with Batwoman here."

Batman growled.

The dealers seamed to consider their options for a moment more, before dropping their weapons and putting their hands over their heads. In the distance, more police sirens came up to the bridge. Within seconds, four more cop cars were parked behind Dick' vehicle and seven more police officers walked over to the commotion.

"Thanks Batgirl, we'll take it from here," said Detective Burns.

"It's Bat-MAN," Bruce corrected him in a dark tone.

Burns eyed the pink Batmobile before tuning his eyes back to the man in the cowl. "Uh-huh," he deadpanned. Turing his attention to his fellow officers, he ordered, "get this mess cleaned up ASAP. I want these men processed before tomorrow."

"You won't take me," snarled the Steel Hand, "I have a fantastic lawyer. You'll see, I'll be back on the streets in no time!"

* * *

 **The next morning:**

Jason grabbed a doughnut off the kitchen counter as Dick finished buttoning his shirt. After taking a bite, he asked with his mouthful, "on a scale of 1 to 10, how mad to you think Bat's was about the pink Batmobile?"

"Oh a 10 at least," answered Dick, "maybe an 11."

Dick grabbed the keys to the Chevy and pulled open the apartment door. He waited for Jason to walk thought ahead of him before pulling it shut and locking up.

"In hind-sight, we should have pulled a more mature prank," Jason continued.

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Maybe coated the seats with super glue."

"How is _that_ more mature?" Dick demanded as they made their way to the apartment building's parking garage.

Jason shrugged, "it just is. Pink paintjob? Really? We're more creative than that!"

"Hmm," Dick considered this, "still, for a man who takes himself so seriously, it turned out to be good medicine." He climbed into the Chevy's driver seat and turned over the engine. Music started blaring at him.

"Is that Justine Bieber?" demanded Jason.

"I think so."

"Oh man, Dick, what do you listen to in your spare time?"

"Not this." Dick tried to get the music to turn off, but someone had rewired the car. "Damnit!" he cursed, "we're late for work. See what you can do, Jay." He pulled out of the garage.

"Make it stooooooop!" whined Jason. He started fiddling with the wiring. Nothing changed. Finally exasperated, he started breaking things, "die evil music, die!"

"You don't think…" Dick began.

Jason finished the thought for him as he pulled a note off the dashboard. "Don't play with fire, love Batman," he read. He turned back to Dick, "you and your stupid ideas!"

* * *

 **Group Chat with Tim, Dick, Jason, and Alfred:**

 **Jason:** I got a dig bick

 **Jason:** you read that wrong! LOL

 **Dick:** I really hate you right now

 **Tim:** hahahaha!

 **Alfred:** very mature of you, sirs

* * *

 **Author's Note: Hey guys, sorry I haven't updated in a long time. I was really stuck on how to continue this story, so I finally just wrote this in a half hour. Hopefully the next story will be a bit better. Thanks for reading, and I hope I at least made you laugh.**


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